Creating Rapport in NLP

Not often thought about in this way, rapport is probably the most important skill we can ever possess! Think for a moment about what you want out of life, and then think about whether or not you believe you will need someone else in the equation to help you get it. Whether you are a doctor, a teacher, a salesperson or a knitter, you will inevitably need someone else’s help to achieve whatever it is you wish to achieve.

No matter what you do or who you are, the ability of creating rapport in NLP, with those around you, and with the larger group with varying backgrounds, is paramount, and will ultimately enable you to get what it is you want.

The very basis of creating rapport in NLP is that when we are like each other, we tend to like each other! When we are different from those around us, it is far more difficult to fit in, and therefore people tend to dislike each other when they are different. When you like another person you are happy and willing to assist them in getting what they want.

Some statistics would have us believe that 38% of all communication is “tone of voice”, and 55% is “physiology”. This means that “most” communication is way outside our normal conscious awareness, which means a huge opportunity is available for communication outside what we consider our normal channels, and this is what rapport is all about.

To assess this theory, take your mind back to a time that you can remember that you were in a really excited (Visual) mood. A time when you were talking or communicating with a person who was in a very slow (Kinesthetic) mood! Do you remember how you felt at that time? Can you recall any feelings of being driven crazy, just waiting for the other person to catch up?!

This is not to say that either one of these moods is right or wrong, just that it is how individual people operate. In too many situations however, communication transpires in a system where we are unconsciously mismatching modalities. This means that the first element of creating rapport in NLP is to establish what modality another person is in.

If for example you are meeting with someone who is in high spirits (visual) and you are not really in that space, at the very least act as if you are. You can do this by sitting up straight in your chair, breathe from the top of your lungs and be excited. If on the other hand you need to slow down a bit because the person you are meeting is auditory, you can modulate your voice more, and really listen. If your colleague is feeling Kinesthetic you might want to slow your mood right down. Try talking about feelings and actually adjust the tone of your voice to match theirs. Really get a sense of what they are feeling.